Unless you have one of those "compliant" children who look like you maybe should check to see if they have a pulse, in which case I hate you, but for the rest of us; yeah. My two had the frustrating habit around this age of running gleefully in opposite directions, ready to experience all of the baubles and mysteries and breakable items on shelf after endless shelf... it was a beautiful expanse of freedom in whatever store we happened to be at; then I would eventually lasso and corral them into a cart so they could commence asking questions about why I was putting them in the section that the little diagram on the seat CLEARLY tells you is going to cause some horrific accident. Sorry, too late to call Social Services on me, they are teens now and have a new and improved version of the game "Let's Make Mom's Hair Grey".
Anyways, one of the things I have noticed about some churches and religious folk is this propensity for rules... don't do this, don't do that, behave, follow the cookie-cutter rules and you shall lead an "abundant" life.
Yeah, right.
For those of you who have tried to live with this "come-to-church-let-us-fix-you" mentality, you know how difficult it is to feel that you are never good enough, no matter how you try, it is incredibly difficult-not to mention depressing- to live this way, but THAT is for another blog, on another snowy day when my toes are too numb to do anything else (Yes, I am inside. But it's Wisconsin in January, I'm pretty much up a creek. A frozen one. With skaters, how pretty. OH NO I'M HALLUCINATING IT MUST BE HYPOTHERMIA!) Today, I am considering those who escape all of the rules and regulations, how they run freely- wind in the hair flying freely behind them, sun on their backs, stopping only to smell what sweet things they may choose, and dancing, DANCING on the forbidden cliffside, not caring any longer about the glaring tsk-tsks of their critics. I am talking about how I have felt, and maybe some of you have, since leaving behind the oppressive belief system that says that there is a pastor or a church board that should order my life and personality; that keeps tabs on me and when they think I may be out of line, etcetera...
I suppose in my case it was partly my fault; being the youngest of eight in a Polish-Catholic patriarchal family, I LIVED to try to make my dad proud of me---which only later translated into making a pastor proud of me, and and elder board.... but even THAT is not my point.
I am thinking more of the "city dog" versus the "country dog" that Darin Hufford talked about the last time he spoke here; the illustration is something that has really stuck with me. We had a city dog when we were growing up, he got out every chance he could, and he would tear around like a freak on acid until we would go through a pack of hot dogs bribing him back in the car. The country dogs? The ones that go outside whenever they like? They just hang out on the porch, they love their family, and know where home is. It is a beautiful picture of the contrast between someone made to follow a religious system, versus someone who is free in Christ.
....which brings me to my question, and FINALLY the point (See, I did get there!)...
What does a city dog look like when it is making the transition to living a free life in the country?
You see, this has been my journey since Feb of 2008, and I have some observations. First, if YOU are the one has finally found freedom, and are dancing on the cliffside you were always warned about simply because now you can, expect some criticism, and let some of it inform you who REALLY loves you. Consider this a great time to establish new (genuine) friendships with people who love you and accept you for who YOU are, and clean out those who don't (If you have lived in a cookie-cutter system of any sort, even if it was just a clique, you NEED to get away from people who keep trying to "fix" you. You are worth more than that!). Understand, also, that this is a phase in life--don't get too down on yourself if you go on a bender or do some things that you don't normally do, this is the human version of Fido tearing up the back 40 only to find out that maybe he doesn't enjoy being sprayed by a skunk after all. You see, my experience over the last three years (which may be different from yours, I was rejected from the institution which I would think would change a few things) went from shock, to zombie-like numbness that lasted a few months, to at times suicidal depression, to anger, and even a struggle as to whether I should pitch it all and go athiest....but then something funny along the way happened and I realized I was finally free, the LEASH WAS GONE... so I continued on to experiment in this newfound freedom... started another band, found amazing new friends and realized that some of my old and dear friends were gonna love me no matter what and got even closer to them, had some really good times, and a funny thing happened. I realized that I still REALLY love God with all of my being, just like I always did. I will admit something that I have NOT told anyone except Mike before. You see, I was EXTREMELY mad at God when this all happened, and I shelved my bible.
For over two years.
...previously having been one of those read-through-several-times-obsessed-over, have-many-dog-eared-highlighted-copies-of-many-versions-people...Now, before you judge me too harshly, realize that people had used those very words of scripture against me in some of my previous experiences, words meant to edify twisted instead to annihilate the ministry I had built.
The thing is, now I am settling into being a country dog--- I once again, like Mary, sit at the feet of a Jesus who I discovered through all of my dancing at the cliffside over the last few years is WAY more loving and kind and accepting than I ever could have dreamed. My relationship with my Creator is renewed, the floodgates of the music that was always in me have been blown open, I own my life now and don't allow in people bent on changing the essence of who God has made me. This brings me to my second point. If you know someone who is just starting to discover freedom in Christ, PLEASE don't judge them too quickly; they, like me, are likely just running free and wild, barefoot and dancing by the cliffside they were told never to go near. They'll likely be back, just as I am. They need to find themselves, and may offend you in some of their new freedom, but you probably offend them in some way too. We all need to be different, and all of our living our personal lives in the Spirit is going to look somewhat different, wouldn't it be amazing if we could ask questions, and investigate, and learn from our differences instead of snubbing one another and looking down the long nose of judgement at someone who may be enjoying freedom for the first time and hasn't quite established where their porch-home even is yet?
Sometimes the best thing to do with someone who is dancing on the cliffside is to dance with them, so they're NOT alone and have someone to help them find home. I will name some people when I post this, who helped me come into my own, without judgement, rules or condemnation. IT CAN BE DONE.
And if YOU are dancing on the cliffside, not quite sure of anything anymore, I am here and willing to dance with you....and hopefully, help you find your way home as well.
Happy dancing!
