Dear Controller

Dear Controller,
    I have decided to leave you. I once thought I needed you in my life, but now my eyes have been opened to the damage that you inflict upon myself, my personality, and the lives of those around you, though they rarely realize it.  I know you think you are “helping”; you are not.


I am through with running interference for you, you can clean up your own messes from now on.  I will NOT be available at your beck and call day and night, and it is perfectly okay, even right, that I no longer allow you in my life.
You caused me so much pain, and I tolerated it for such a long time, not knowing the joy I would find in being free from your grip. I no longer feel like I am under someone’s thumb; and I really don’t care what kind of arbitrary rules you think I should be following.  I will not dress, act, think, respond, speak, or run my life as you think I should any longer.


You see, God gave me this beautiful gift.


It is called MY LIFE.
Did you catch the MY part?


My life is my own and no one else’s; my mistakes are my own to make. My history and my feelings are also mine, and I can talk about them as I wish.  For so long I kowtowed and pandered to your whims, thinking I was pleasing God by doing so, but then I realized that God created me to have certain qualities that don’t necessarily please you.


I don’t care anymore. I am me, and I love God, and I know He made me this way for a REASON. You can call me arrogant, snobbish, selfish, full of myself, or whatever else.  You never bothered to find out what is in my heart, you were too interested in your agenda for my life, so you don’t even know me, but my God knows, and my friends know, and they love me anyways.


I wish I had figured this out a long time ago- but now that I have, my thinking has been stretched beyond my old beliefs. I can’t, and WON’T, go back.


I know you are sad, but you are sad because those you control are leaving, one by one, and you really can’t live with yourself, with no one to control. That’s why you can’t leave me alone.  You controlled me at one time, and now you don’t, and you miss that, don’t you?  Well guess what?  Now that all of the energy I once spent pleasing YOU and doing everything for YOU is being spent on my own life, my life is flourishing!  I am doing great, and I have close friends, and my family is amazing.  I had no idea my life could be so fun and wonderful.  I am free, and you can’t take that away from me.  I am free, and you can’t touch my freedom. YOU CAN’T HURT ME ANYMORE, and I’m NEVER going back.


 So long, I won’t miss you, I am too busy enjoying my abundant life!
-Monica