I'm already in trouble from the first five words, but I'm getting used to it.
What problem could I possibly have with men?
Well, you see, it all started when I was born the youngest of 8 in a VERY patriarchal family, in which the men totally ruled the roost. I grew up observing my harried mother waiting on my dad hand and foot, whilst he parked his butt in the La-Z-Boy and sipped his Manhattan. (Hey, they were in back then). Now, I do understand that he was a hardworking doctor when he was at work, but the part I saw was her, the planet, orbiting him, the sun. All of her hopes and dreams revolved around taking care of him. We were also Catholic and all of the important people were men: the Pope, cardinals, bishops, priests who wouldn't dare defile themselves by taking on *gasp* a wife. I also saw some of my four older sisters experience some horrifically damaging relationships with men, and there was also a strong view of woman as sex objects by the men I knew, which was reinforced heavily by some experiences I won't go into--and by then I had seen enough that I was no longer interested in anything men had to offer. So I made a decision at an early age:
I NEVER want to be married. Did you catch the NEVER?
I had absolutely NO interest in waiting on a man or spending my life insulating another person from the cares of the world, or bearing the brunt of their anger or irresponsibility or just plain playing second-class citizen for the rest of my life, so I went on to pursue the study of leadership and success at the ripe old age of 12, having decided that I would be CEO of a self-built corporation (OK you can stop snickering, I can hear ya from here.). I knew I was good at leading, and just wanted them to leave me the heck alone while I went out to build a company and do things that would make a difference in the world. Along the way, I decided to pursue music as well, and was nicely on the way to my carefully-laid-out life when something happened. I met...
A GUY!
He was just a guy, hanging out after a concert, catching my sarcastic barbs and tossing them back with a good-natured underhand. What was this? He was nothing like the men I knew. He couldn't possibly be checking me out for my body, I was wearing a punk army-style trenchcoat. I could've had the four arms of Vishnu and a Yugo under there and he wouldn't have known. He was....INTERESTING. Not full of stock lines, just, well, someone I wanted to talk to, and we would have great discussions about a plethora of topics, none of which were my chest or backside. So, we started hanging around together, and I met his college roommates, and a miracle! There were more of these... 'guys' around, and I became fast friends with his roommates too, who would ALSO have awesome intellectual and musical discussions with me that lasted into the wee hours of the morning. They liked and respected me for me, not what I could do for them, and THIS.... this was an entirely new concept for me! You mean I can have friends....that are guys.....and they can actually just appreciate a brain and a good conversation? Awesome!
So, over the years I have discovered that there are MEN and there are GUYS in my world.
MEN view women as either subservient or sex objects or both, and become frustrated with women who consider themselves equal to them in intelligence, or stature, or both. They are usually inordinately proud to be a man, and will say so at times. Sometimes they come in the form of fundamentalists who literally believe themselves superior in some way, sometimes as extreme as the group that uses corporal punishment on their wives, or polygamists, sometimes in far more deceptive or subtle ways that take a while to figure out. Some are just womanizers who have the audacity to ignore the obvious wedding ring, hoping still yet to get lucky.
GUYS view women as equals--we may have different parts, but they treat us as equally intelligent, important, and capable. Over the years, I have developed close and long lasting friendships with GUYS, and treasure the great discussions and fellowship I share with them. Every now and then I will come across someone who think it is risky behavior to be close friends with guys, and I want to make one thing clear. I have NO INTEREST in MEN, I made that clear from the beginning, that have any interest in me in that way, I consider that an insult to my intelligence and personality, and relegates me back to the kind of bimbo-sex-object status I hate so much in the first place. How do you think female leaders such as Deborah, Hatshepsut (look it up), Catherine the Great, Joan of Arc and many, many other female leaders accomplished what they did? By only becoming friends with women? I am thinking not, I am thinking there is a place in life for the healthy platonic friendship. After 21 years of a great marriage, I believe I can speak of this with at least some authority. I love and appreciate my GUY friends, who treat me in a respectful, caring manner; they are brothers to me, walking through life as part of my support system, as I am part of theirs. They have no need to worry either, I am interested in being friends, having great thoughtful discussion, and to cross that barrier would be an insult to them and our friendship. Does this make sense at all? So, I hate men but love guys. BTW, don't read too much into the men/guy wording, I was just having a little fun with semantics.
Of course, the end of the story is that I DID wind up marrying that first real GUY I met after the concert, we just kept spending more and more time together, and decided somewhere along the line that we wanted to be together 24/7. End of my great life plan, anyways. God threw the monkeywrench in my life that made me a musician instead of a CEO. I may not have the paycheck, but I have a GREAT life, an awesome marriage, and incredible kids--because Mike is a great GUY.
So anyways, here's to all you GUYS out there-- Thank you for treating me like a human being, you really are a fine example--hopefully someday the MEN will wake up and figure out how great you are.
Anyone up for a BIMBOS/LADIES blog?
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